envy

I'll admit to being envious of a great many things but at the top of my list would be my envy of those with complete and utter faith. Because I do want to believe in God...or something. Anything really, rather than the nothingness I'm afraid of. But how do you get there? How do you believe in something when you can't see any evidence of its existence? How can I believe in God and all that he entails when every single day I read/hear about the selfishness and greed and cruelty of so many people. If God is here why doesn't he do something? I know, you'll say those people will be punished in the after life. They will go to hell or wherever, or have to pay in their next life if you believe in karma and reincarnation. Or maybe at some point in their lives here and now payback will come in one form or another. Except I don't see it. I see people getting away with murder and stealing vast amounts and just being generally awful to one another and nothing happens. I see people who claim to be 'men of God' doing things, saying things I KNOW God would be horrified by. Maybe you'll tell me that God is hoping we will do something and he's just waiting. Except we don't. And life goes on and whatever faith I may have once had as a child is slowly eroded until now, it is just a tiny little mustard seed of hope.

So tell me. How do you have faith? Where do you find hope? What makes you believe in whatever it is that you believe in or have you given up and subscribed to a belief in Nature and Science?

I guess I'm still hoping that one of these days I'll find that wardrobe without the back and step into...somewhere else.

And who knows, maybe I will.