one thing I know

As you may have guessed I'm fairly uncertain about what life is all about, whether it has meaning, if there's a god and does it matter. But if there's one thing I'm sure of it's that we are supposed to evolve. What that means is that hopefully, by the time it's over, each of us will have changed into a better person than we were. And I think it's clear what I mean by 'better.' More giving, tolerant, loving, patient, kind, and grateful. The trouble I have is that while some of us are making an effort, there are a surprising number of well-educated people who think it's all about the acquisition of more, regardless of the cost. I say surprising because it always amazes me that anyone would want to stay the same. I mean, why would you choose to stagnate? It's disappointing. Because I believe we could create paradise IF we could all learn to be better, better sisters, mothers, workers, bosses, writers, teachers, and especially leaders.

The trouble is getting everyone else on board.

envy

I'll admit to being envious of a great many things but at the top of my list would be my envy of those with complete and utter faith. Because I do want to believe in God...or something. Anything really, rather than the nothingness I'm afraid of. But how do you get there? How do you believe in something when you can't see any evidence of its existence? How can I believe in God and all that he entails when every single day I read/hear about the selfishness and greed and cruelty of so many people. If God is here why doesn't he do something? I know, you'll say those people will be punished in the after life. They will go to hell or wherever, or have to pay in their next life if you believe in karma and reincarnation. Or maybe at some point in their lives here and now payback will come in one form or another. Except I don't see it. I see people getting away with murder and stealing vast amounts and just being generally awful to one another and nothing happens. I see people who claim to be 'men of God' doing things, saying things I KNOW God would be horrified by. Maybe you'll tell me that God is hoping we will do something and he's just waiting. Except we don't. And life goes on and whatever faith I may have once had as a child is slowly eroded until now, it is just a tiny little mustard seed of hope.

So tell me. How do you have faith? Where do you find hope? What makes you believe in whatever it is that you believe in or have you given up and subscribed to a belief in Nature and Science?

I guess I'm still hoping that one of these days I'll find that wardrobe without the back and step into...somewhere else.

And who knows, maybe I will.

I just can't make up my mind

ok, so let's just say for the sake of argument that there is a god. I'm not saying there is or isn't because I honestly don't know. Which means that sometimes I talk to someone I'm not sure exists. Like an imaginary friend.

Anyway. So if god does exist what sort of being is he? Or is it she? How does god operate? Is he/she/it a harsh and vengeful god like in the Bible? Or does god resemble some other version like in The Koran or the Divrei Torah or Buddhist Texts or the Bhagavad Gita. What will god become in a hundred years? And what might god evolve into a thousand years from now? Will there still be churches and synagogues and mosques? Will we still be separated by words we think mean different things, when in fact they all mean the same and if there is a god maybe that's the lesson he's trying to teach us.



I don't know. What do you think? How do you imagine god?

here's the main problem I have

life is too short and we aren't young enough long enough to enjoy it to its full extent. There are so many things I'd like to do in addition to what I'm currently doing. I can think of at least two, no three other professions I would've like to have explored and hundreds of places I'd like see but there just isn't enough time. I want to say it isn't fair except in the immortal words of Sylvia M. "fair is a weather term."

Which is why I think death is a ripoff.

Which is also why I hold onto this small hope that maybe it isn't. Maybe death isn't the end, maybe it's just a way station we come back to, like the bardu in Kim Stanley Robinson's The Years of Rice and Salt, which wonders "how might human history be different if 14th-century Europe was utterly wiped out by plague, and Islamic and Buddhist societies emerged as the world's dominant religious and political forces? The Years of Rice and Salt considers this question through the stories of individuals who experience and influence various crucial periods in the seven centuries that follow. The credible alternate history that Robinson constructs becomes the framework for a tapestry of ideas about philosophy, science, theology, and politics."

But the really interesting part in my mind was  the  "small cast of recurring characters who live through each episode of the book as soldiers, slaves, philosophers and kings. Dying, they spend time in the afterlife [the bardu], only to be reborn into the next era, generally with no knowledge of their past lives." Or their knowledge of one another within the bardu.

I wonder if that isn't true. That we are all connected somehow only don't know it except in death.

And yeah. This is the crazy shit I think about, can't sleep because of, drive myself crazy with.

the question

well, I'm still not sure what this will eventually evolve into but for now, for today, it's about the big question. You know, the one that asks, who the heck are we and where the heck are we going? Or is this a one way trip?

Yeah. That question.

Some people claim to know the answer. It's God, or Jesus or Mohammed or Mother or Buddha or whatever. Pick a name. And I'm not trying to be disrespectful of anyone with faith; only those who try to force it down other people's throats. What I am trying to do is discover the answer to the question for myself and I'm hoping this blog might offer up a means to discuss, converse, trade ideas back and forth. Because I know I'm not the only one who thinks death is a rip off.

So if you stumbled in here from my other blog(s) you may not want to stick around because this doesn't have much to do with writing fiction except in the broadest sense. But if you want to join in the conversation and tell me what you think the answer is, or what you hope the answer is, or anything to do with the question, then I'd love to read what you have to say.


A warning though, any disrespect to me and my beliefs or you and yours in the comments will result in deletion. We ain't havin' that, got it?

peace